


Artichoke Heart

by h0neyas5ugar



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M, also english's not my first language, got lazy proof reading this soooo its not proof readed, it might be really bad idk I'm not good enough at english to tell, its not focus on kihyungheon btw its just idk what it is, its supposed to be cute or something like that, kinda wanna write that showho as a sequel/prequel idk tbh, minor minkyun/changhyuk, minor showho too, past /but reaaaal past like honey was a baby almost/ wonheon and joohyuk and showheon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 13:10:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18469633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h0neyas5ugar/pseuds/h0neyas5ugar
Summary: Jooheon is twenty two, and love hurts as much as when he was five.





	Artichoke Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Its really bad, I'm serious
> 
> and super cheesy idk

Jooheon is five. 

Jooheon is five and his cheeks are squeezed between the hands of another boy. Minhyuk is his secret lover, they can't tell their friends and parents because they said they were too young to marry and have babies. « Cute, cute, cuuuute », Minhyuk says and says. Jooheon loves Minhyuk to the stars and to the moon too, because he is his lover, shhh, his secret secret lover. They are under the toboggan, because they're small enough to slide there and hide from the world, so Minhyuk can squeezes his cheeks all he wants and smooches his nose without his mommy telling him not to. 

Minhyuk and Jooheon go to the same kindergarten, but they are not in the same class. Minnie is one year older, and Jooheon think he is so lucky that Minhyuk loves him, because Minnie is super popular, all the girls are in love with him and wants to marry him, but Jooheon is the only one Minhyuk loves to the moon and to the stars too. Nana told him, « woaaaah, you are Minhyuk's lover, you are so so lucky. ». Jooheon knows he is so lucky, he is proud even, to be Minnie's lover, because one day they'll marry, and have a lot of babies, like they planned under the toboggan.

Jooheon is five, and he doesn't know it but the next day is the last day of kindergarten, and Minhyuk will enter the elementary school of another town. When he'll come to wait under the toboggan two months later, Minhyuk will never comes to squeeze his cheeks. 

He cries so much that day that his teacher calls his mother. 

*

Jooheon is nine. 

Jooheon is nine and he now knows that two boys can't make babies, because he asked his dad about it. But he is in love with Son Hyunwoo, so he'll ask him to smooch his nose so they can try, you never know. Hyunwoo is one year older but he is his friend, they are neighbors and Hyunwoo's mom gives him cookies sometimes. For his birthday, Hyunwoo writes him a letter with hearts beside his name. Jooheon is certain, Hyunwoo loves him too. At school, during the break at ten, Jooheon takes Hyunwoo's elbow and tells him to follow him. They hide behind bushes in the gardens, and Jooheon says, « Hyunwoo I love you, do you want to be my lover ? » and Hyunwoo nods. 

They look right and left, nobody's looking, they don't want their friends to tease them. Even if Jooheon doesn't really have friends. Hyunwoo squeezes his cheeks softly between his hands full of chocolate and pecks his lips shortly. Jooheon is red, so is Hyunwoo. They hold hands when they hide behind their bushes and have secret meetings across the fence of their gardens at home. 

After two weeks, a girl comes and gives him a small piece of paper, the paper reads « I am not your lover anymore because I am in love with Dahyun now », it's the same handwriting from his birthday letter, he nods, and smiles at the girl, Dahyun he recognizes her from Hyunwoo's birthday party, « I don't love him it's cool » he says, shrugging, it's early two thousand, everybody say cool to be cool. When the girl is gone, he swallows his saliva, and heads for the boys bathroom. Hidden in a booth, he cries silently, wiping tears with toilet paper, looks himself in the mirror and he can hear his dad's voice telling him that boys don't cry. He stops crying, it's cool, he tells himself, he can have as many lovers as he wants now. His mom told him, because he is cute, everybody will love him. 

For the next ten years, when he sees Hyunwoo, he smiles brightly and waves at him, Hyunwoo do the same. But Jooheon refuses to go to his birthday parties, because during those ten years, all he sees in him is not his friend, but the first boy to ever break his heart. 

*

Jooheon is eleven. 

Jooheon is eleven and he's meeting his soulmate for the first time. Changkyun is in his class in middle school, and they're the same person, but in different bodies. They sit at the same desk for the first lesson, at first they're shy, but when the bell rings the end, they're best friend and even if their others friends tell them it's impossible to choose who is your best friend after only an hour, Jooheon can feel it. Changkyun and him, it's forever. 

Changkyun is there to talk about horror movies, music, books and all the boys Jooheon falls in love with and don't return his feelings. Changkyun is there to make fun of the people who make fun of Jooheon for liking boys, and the people who make fun of Jooheon stop making fun of him because they don't like being make fun of. Changkyun is there to squeezes his cheeks and make fun of his, « 'ang'yun s'op it' hu'ts », he calls him cute and cuddles him when they have sleepovers. Changkyun doesn't like sweet things, but Jooheon do. So Changkyun eats Jooheon's veggies and Jooheon can have Changkyun's desserts. He makes funny faces and gifts him plushies when he is sad, helps him with his math homework, hides the broken frame behind his back and take the blame when Jooheon's mom is home early. He's the one to tell him that you can't make a baby with eskimo kisses.

In Changkyun's bedroom, they build a fort with two chairs against a wall, there's pillows and bed sheets as mattress and it's their secret base. Hidden under one of the pillow there is a list of names, twenty four names, all the boys that made Jooheon cry. Changkyun keeps it preciously, because when he'll be rich and influent, he'll take revenge and make them cry for not loving Jooheon back. He knows that not everybody can love Jooheon, but he doesn't understand how it is possible. 

Sometimes, during family diners, Jooheon's mom asks him, « You're sure you're not dating Changkyun ? », and Jooheon makes that face, the one he as when it's fish for lunch at school, a disgusted one, « Mom, it's gross, we are like brothers ! ». He think he falls in love with Changkyun when he is twelve, this feeling remains for a few weeks, then, he goes on holiday camp, and realises that yes he loves him and he'll never love anybody like he loves Changkyun, but it's because Changkyun is his little brother, not someone he'd want to marry. 

More than a best friend, Changkyun is Jooheon's soulmate. He'll stay no matter what, and that make the love they hold for each other more important than all those insignificant crushes he had and will have.

*

Jooheon is fifteen. 

Jooheon is fifteen and naked and it's very cold in that water he's not supposed to be in. They're allowed to bath there in daytime, but it's three in the morning and if the hosts find them there they'll be banned to go on holiday camp forever. Hoseok and him share a tent with two others guys, like it's been the case since the first time Jooheon went on holiday camp. Hoseok loves music as much as him, they talk piano and dance, they kiss when they think nobody's looking, they do that every year, they did when Jooheon was twelve, when he was thirteen, when he was fourteen, and now he is fifteen and they're naked in the swimming pool of the camp they're staying in, bodies pressed against each other, shaking from the cold of the night, mouths not leaving a breath out. 

At some point Jooheon fell and un-fell in love with Hoseok, but he loves him more than all these guys he fell for before. They're holiday best friends, and now that Jooheon has a cellphone, they can call and text each other when they're not at the camp too. 

Hoseok is Jooheon's first time, and even if they're not in love, they love each other and it's more special than all the next time they'll have with other lovers. When they separate they promise to text and visit the other. They do just that, they have sleepovers, with Changkyun because Changkyun wants to know everything about his best friend in law, they talk about love and books and music and watch horror movies. They don't sleep, they keep laughing and Jooheon's dad opens the door to tell them to be quiet, he works tomorrow, so they try to be quiet, but fail. 

Those moments are Jooheon's favorites.

*

Jooheon grows up. 

He grows up and stop falling in love with every someone who barely smile at him. He stops falling in love or even finding interest in other boys or human in general who are not either him or someone he cherishes. His heart stops ginving leaf away to every passing « you're cute », every « wanna go on a date ? », every « I thought you loved me ? Was it just sex for you ?». 

Jooheon is twenty, and he moves in with two guys in a Seoul apartment, close to his university. The rent is cheap, they're three to split it after all.

Hyungwon studies theater and dance, Kihyun do photography and economy. They're best friend since the crib, they tell him. Jooheon's here for music production and the scholarship he got with his spot in the conservatory. He uses his bedroom as a home studio, sleeps on a mattress right on the floor, because there's no room for much with his desk and material, he doesn't ask for more anyway, Kihyun and Hyungwon already have to share a similar sized room. 

He likes his room mates. They watch netflix and cook together, drink beers, play chess, uno and monopoly. All his favorite things. Kihyun loves karaoke, so they invite Changkyun and Hoseok, because the more the merrier, they have fun and there's something weird in his chest. 

Jooheon is twenty one, they throw a birthday party with all his friends, and even Hyunwoo who's Hoseok boyfriend now, he's not the first boy to ever break his heart anymore, but the man that makes his best friend smile. They're re-friend. 

He's twenty one so he gets very drunk, and at some point Hyungwon kiss him and falls asleep, head on his laps. His heart beat really fast, for the first time in his life, he doesn't know what it means. When everybody is home and Kihyun tucks Hyungwon in bed, he gives him a tired smile, « Goodnight, Honey », and kiss his cheek. Jooheon locks himself in his room, even all the alcohol he drank doesn't help him to fall asleep. He stays awake, eyes asking the ceiling what is happening. 

Jooheon is still twenty one, but suddenly, Kihyun's smile is blinding and Hyungwon's laugh is deafening. 

Every morning, Kihyun cooks for them, because he's the only one that hadn't set eggs on fire yet, and when Hyungwon sit in front of him at the table, he ruffles his dark hair, he does the same to Jooheon when he joins them. It's soft, his hand caressing his locks, with his teeth out when he smiles at him, his eyes really bright and his voice like heaven as he sings along to the last top streaming songs on the tv. Then, Hyungwon's head falls on his shoulder, cold nose finding heat in his neck, it tickles him but he likes it so he says nothing. It makes Kihyun laughs when he looks at them, and Hyungwon mumbles « 'hut up », so Kihyun laughs harder and Jooheon smiles because mornings like these make him so happy, his heart so full, he wishes he knew what it means. 

*

Jooheon is twenty two. 

He is twenty two and as he sees Hyungwon's hands cup carefully Kihyun's face, their lips bond to each others, he can hear the pieces of his broken heart when they fall to his feet. 

He enters his room as silently as possible, he doesn't want to interupt them. And he thinks, he thinks about how Kihyun would hug him, cuddle him and call him cute names when he is sad, how Hyungwon would drink a beer with him and try to make him laugh to cheer him up, how he loves being held by either of them and how wonderful it would be to be hugged by both of them. He remembers Hyungwon's kiss a year ago and Kihyun's fond smile when he told him goodnight, and realises that he is very much in love with both of them but they looked both very much in love with each other. 

He wonders, did Kihyun ruffles his hair so he wouldn't feel exclude ? Did Hyungwon start using him as his personal pillow only because his soft tummy is comfortable ? He tries to make it makes sense but at the end his conclusion is : Kihyun and Hyungwon are in love, and I am intruding their personal space. 

Later when there's a knock at his door and Kihyun's sweet voice asking, « Jooheon ? You're home ? », he just says « Yes », and Hyungwon clearer tone « You didn't open our groupchat ? We're meeting with Hoseok to watch the last Marvel, wanna come ?», he turn on his side, reaching for his phone, « I can't, I have to finish my song for tomorrow, It counts for half of the mark » he fake whines, and it works, because Kihyun's airy laughter reasonate and Hyungon says « Oh sorry Honey, good luck with your song ! », and ten minutes later they're gone. 

He cries so much that night that he calls his mother. 

*

He wants to give space to his room mates, but it seems like they don't want it. Kihyun confiscates the key of his room, so he can't lock himself inside. They don't eat if he doesn't eat with them, Hyungwon comes to wake him up every morning with cuddles, and they insist to at least one Uno party per week. But they don't kiss in his presence, even thought he sees them kiss in the lving room three more times, he doesn't mention it and pretends to have an assigment due the next day every time they try to force him out of his room. 

Nothing really change, except that now he notices the way they look at each other, like they're talking with their eyes, but they always did that, it's a best friend thing, he has the same with Changkyun and Hoseok. But the love, it was always there, like the soft caress on the lower of Kihyun's back, the way they make their legs meet when they sit close on the couch, how Hyungwon's hand squeezes gently Kihyun's one every morning, saying hello with their eyes lost in the other. It's a morning kiss, that hand holding thing, Jooheon realises. They're in love since the beggining, and he feels stupid for not knowing sooner. Stupid for falling in love with them when they already have each other. 

*

Jooheon is drunk. 

Jooheon is drunk and it's Changkyun's birthday, and because Jooheon is his only friend not living with his parents, they're throwing the party here. Kihyun is drunk too, all giggles and loud singing, he's cute and Jooheon can't stop looking at him, aw-ed at how handsome he is. Hyungwon makes sure nobody breaks anything and avoids Jooheon's small hand everytime he reaches to touch his nose by kissing his knuckles. Changkyun's boyfriend, a pretty boy named Minhyuk who reminds Jooheon of someone, is competing against Hoseok, it's an arm wrestling competition, and for some reason, Hoseok is losing. Hyunwoo is sitting next to Jooheon, they have the same way of enjoying parties, being drunk and watching others drunk people do things. 

But the only drunk person Jooheon is watching is Kihyun, because with every sips of his drink, his smile becomes wider, eyes disappearing, dimpled cheekbone making Jooheon's own dimples apparate. Hyugwon joins Kihyun and press a kiss at the top of his head, Kihyun acts disgust and scrapes his scalp, it makes Hyungwon laughs, his smile is so beautiful, Jooheon wants to eat it, and Hyungwon's eyes are so round and brown and pretty he wants to look at them forever. And he realises that Hyungwon is looking at him, it makes him feel dizzy. « They're together ? » Hyunwoo asks, confused, because Hyungwon's arms are around Kihyun's waist, and Kihyun's head falls back on Hyungwon's shoulder. They look peaceful, adorable. He wants that. « Yeah, » he breathes out, it hurts. « It hurts », he adds. 

*

Jooheon is sad. 

Changkyun and Minhyuk are in his bedroom and Hoseok and Hyunwoo occupes the living room, Jooheon is in Kihyun's bed while Kihyun is spooning Hyungwon in Hyugnwon's bed and Jooheon is sad. 

And everything is sad, it's really hard not to cry. So he sleeps. 

He tries to sleep, because Kihyun is whispering things into Hyungwon's ear. It makes a « plushuplushu » sound, that and the ruffling of the blanket, and it's the only thing Jooheon can listen to. At some point there's a quiet shouting « Kihyun ! Let him sleep ! » and someone's feet touching the floor, they think he sleeps, so he closes his eyes and fake sleep. He can feels the mattress dip under Kihyun's weight, a knee collide with his abdomen and he opens his eyes, « Ouch », he says, Kihyun's very drunk eyes are big and look at him, « Sorry », he whispers, « Wonnie'sleepin' », « I'm not », Hyungwon's voice comes from nearer thant the bed across his, when he looks, it's because Hyungwon is just beside the bed, trying to take Kihyun away from him. But Kihyun sits confortably on Jooheon's tummy, hands squezzing his cheeks, « Jooheon, » he starts, extremly serious, he doesn't sound drunk anymore, but his sight isn't focus and his lashes follow a wild rhythm, keeping him from falling asleep. 

« Jooheon », he repeats, frowning, « Jooheon », again, and Hyungwon sighs, sitting on the floor. « Jooh- Oh my god Jooheon your cheeks are so sooft », he pouts and turns to Hyungwon, « Hyungwon it's so sooft, like babies cheeks, sooft », « soft » Hyungwon corrects him but he doesn't listen and rubs his palms against Jooheon's cheeks, and maybe Jooheon thinks he is cute but he is too tired to find him cute right now. « Kihyun I want to sleep, » he says, his voice doesn't sound like his. 

« Jooheon ! » he says louder, and Hyungwon shushes him because there's people trying to sleep in their living room. « Jooheon, you have to », he pauses to think « come on Hyungwon's bed. To sleep. With Hyungwon and me and you. Together. Shush. Sleep. » he nods to himself at every word, Jooheon doesn't understant ; he turns to Hyungwon, but Hyungwon's bitting his lower lips, eyes on the carpet, looking nervous. Hyungwon isn't drunk, he needs him to explain what Kihyun is trying to say. 

But he doesn't get that opportunity, because Kihyun is suddenly up, dragging him outside his bed to pull him on Hyungwon's one, again, with an energy Jooheon really admires since he himself just almost crawls to get there, he watches, once in the other bed, how Kihyun takes a step from the floor to the closer side to the wall of the bed, just behind him. Hyungwon's hand on his back keep him from falling flat on Jooheon. 

He lets Kihyun spoon him like he did to Hyungwon some instants earlier, every one of his moves has goal of bringging him even closer to his body, his body heat burning him. Jooheon's only reaction is to wait for a reaction from Hyungwon, something like anger or jealousy perhaps because his boyfriend is hugging him so close that he can feel all the curve of his body, all of them. But Hyungwon just takes the blanket from Kihyun's bed and joins them in bed. He faces Jooheon, so Jooheon stops breathing, it's the only logical thing to do after all. And Hyungwon cover himself and Jooheon with the blanket « Kihyun always monopolizes mine », he justifies. Then he throws an arm and a leg around the two occupant of his bed, he looks tense, insecure and shaky, not breaking his eye contact with Jooheon. It makes Jooheon's heart flutters. Timidly, and because it's either a nightmare or a beautiful dream he'll wake up from in his own room, he uses his right hand, it's the one Kihyun isn't holding, to cup Hyungwon's cheek. It's even softer thant his own. 

He closes his eyes, « Good night, » he whispers, a « humm » from behind and a kiss on his nape, then he can feels a smile under his fingers.

*

Jooheon has two boyfriends. 

At least he thinks he does. Since the night in Hyungwon's bed, he hadn't got to sleep in his own bed, Hyungwon kisses him, on the lips !, every morning and Kihyun said his favorite thing in the world is cuddling with his boyfriends, boyfriendS !, he asks himself if they shouldn't at least ask him to be their boyfriend, but he didn't denied it when Kihyun looked him dead in the eyes while saying it. 

Beside that nothing change, it's really weird, and he wants to know more about his boyfriends. 

« We start dating when we were thirteen, » Hyungwon answers when he asks, Kihyun is busy talking with Changkyun and Hyunwoo in the kitchen, because their apartment is their friends favorite place too. « There's nothing much to talk about, we've been a couple for the past ten years. », from afar, Jooheon can see Hoseok mouthing 'you ! About you ! ' and regret talking about his weird relationship to his best friends. 

« Why me ? », he asks eventualy, Hoseok sending winks and thumbs up his way, and Hyungwon takes his hand, looking at him in the eyes, and there are butterflies trying to escape from Jooheon's lungs, it's hard to breath. « We fell in love with you the first time you smiled to us. »

It's the first time he has confirmation of them cuddling and kissing him because there's feelings involved, « Yeah, well, same » he mumbles. His ears are red, he knows. There's Kihyun laughter when the kitchen's door opens, and Kihyun's smile when Jooheon meets his stare, and the butterflies are trying to choke him with tears now. 

Jooheon is happy. 

Jooheon is happy and so much in love, he's never tired of waking up next to Kihyun and Hyungwon.


End file.
